Emerging from our childhood, we have a decision to make – either expand toward our freedom of choice or abide by the stipulations we learned in our youth. Many of us have adopted a sense of “right” and “wrong”, not from our own assessment – but from the opinions we gauge from others. In learning about our world, we assume the guidance of others is superior to our own internal compass.
Boxing ourselves in…
Within our acceptance of assessments, “right” or “wrong”, we subject ourselves mentally, to the rules they denote. We internalize these assessments, storing within us their original programming – enabling us to continually punish ourselves for outlying behavior. This mechanism is etched in us – because, during our early childhood development, we quickly learned to understand punishment and reward, and the consequences of straying from acceptable behavior. And perhaps we are continuing to be controlled by others, simply out of habit or familiarization with dependance and need for approval.
Regardless of the cause for our interpretation, when we assess something as “right”, we naturally relish in the approval that often results – frequently, even overriding our own internal compass, to forge toward that direction. The values we have borrowed from our environment – create the foundational system of rules and regulations that form our primary belief system. For both survival and our fundamental need for love, in early childhood – we learned to study the patterns of others, using our understanding as a guide to adapt our own behavior, in order to garner the approval of others.
Often, we are insecure and quick to modify our own opinions, if it means fitting in with the people around us. Any discord or feelings of inferiority must have been caused by a flaw in us. Many of us were taught to dismiss or disregard our own desires, due to the reaction it caused in others. In our strong objection to feeling out of place, and in shame, we say “no” to an essential part of our being – deciding to abandon or shun that part of ourselves. We may not even be aware of it, as it can be enough to simply sense discordant energy, for whatever reason, and attribute it to something we did. Despite the preferred method of interpretation, “yes’s” and “no’s” along with the feelings they invoke and trigger within us, are signals – pushing us toward or away from…the direction of our “desires”.
One size doesn’t fit all…
The problem for most of us is that we have set our navigation toward someone else’s desires for us. We have been trained to adhere to the values of our upbringing – rather than honoring our own individual values. We are still in perfect alignment, but it isn’t with our real self – rather with the false image we created to fit into our environment. Because of our familiarity with this false-self, we have constructed – eventually, we nearly forget who we really are. Only the faint whispers of our soul remain, to gently remind us of who we are – the desire of our soul isn’t lost, only buried. In fact, for many of us, we don’t even know what we desire – only that we are not fulfilled.
It may never have occurred to us that our greatest gifts are often unique to us, and may not be understood by the people in our environment. And because these are so much a necessary part of our very being – any feeling that these fundamental characteristics of ourselves are “wrong”, will result in our feeling shame about that part of us. We may assume that because they aren’t valued by the people that are close to us, that something about these parts of us – is unacceptable. But, each and every time we choose to hide our inherent traits, due to someone else’s assessment of them, we are aimed away from the mission we came here to accomplish.
Side with authenticity…
Each decision has consequences and will lead us in the natural direction it follows – to the next choice along the path it is creating for us. However, when we choose our choices out of some obligation to others, we travel down a path – through a journey that doesn’t belong to us. We can head down this path forever, discovering with each step that we are becoming increasingly unfulfilled and unhappy – possibly without an understanding of “why”. It is possible that we accumulate the “rewards” of this borrowed path, yet continue to feel empty. We may be confused by our feelings of discontent – considering the accolades we receive, in response to our current status. Despite any outside success, we may feel the loneliness of being enmeshed in a life that isn’t ours – one that was adopted in our attempt to please others.
Getting back on track…
We can find our way back to our intended path by listening to our soul and choosing in the direction of our authenticity. The decisions we make naturally align us with the next choice down the path we are headed – guiding us into the direction of our choosing. As we begin to choose in honor of ourselves and in accordance with the desires of our authenticity, and absent of guilt – we seamlessly merge onto our soul’s path. Saying “yes” to ourselves, and finally putting our values at the forefront of our decisions and attention, sends an empowering message to the core of our being. It triggers a message within us that leads us in a new direction where we naturally become surrounded by people and situations that support “who we are”.
Our true tribe, the ones that share our passion and values, show up when we are in alignment with our soul. These people are our tribe – drawn to the deepest and truest part of us, ones that others don’t always appreciate. There is a natural comfort for us in being around them because we know it is unnecessary to “mask” our true self, and that we are accepted and valued – for nothing more than being. During our youth, we had a far different itinerary and level of freedom – forced to abide by the environment and situations that were outside of our control. At the time, it may not have been possible or in our best interest to assert our preferences – but now we are independent. Having outgrown the necessities of childhood, of being dependant on others for support and survival – we can now shed the illusionary need for approval outside of us and explore our freedom of choice. Despite the opinion of others, we are the best authority over our life. And, if we just learn to trust ourselves, we will find that we have all the knowledge we need within us – and listening to that gentle guidance, will put us on the path we were born to follow.
Deconstruction of childhood paradigms…
Rather than there being something wrong with us, when we aren’t able to connect deeply with our environment – perhaps we are attempting to fit in where we don’t belong. Maybe we have been abandoning our sense of self to please our environment, instead of creating an environment that supports who we are. It is essential for us to come to terms with all that we are, there are no mistakes – aside from the failure to accept ourselves for who we are. Offer no resistance, it isn’t necessary to fight, argue, defend, or concede – only to remain loyal to your own values. Although the fear of what others think, especially our family, may complicate our following through on this – the only way we can make the most out of lives is through living in accordance with our own desires.
Once we discover the courage to break through our childhood fears of repercussion, we are graciously rewarded with freedom. It eventually becomes clear that we no longer need to hide or be ashamed of our opinions or choices – simply because they may not be understood by others. By quietly and lovingly releasing ourselves from the obligations and expectations that others have of us, we can finally forge our own path toward fulfillment. Establishing a commitment to ourselves, through listening and trusting our inner guidance to navigate us toward our true purpose – in the direction that lights up our soul.
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