When Choice Becomes Us

As I look back over my life, from my childhood to the present moment, it occurred to me – it is me, who has been perpetuating the cycles that have plagued my life. Granted, in the beginning, as a small child, my choices were extremely limited. But now, as an adult, I am not nearly as limited in my physical reality – yet have remained somewhat trapped, within mental imprisonment of my own thinking. It was only recently that I realized – continuation on this path, is purely my decision.

Following blindly…

I notice that over the years, having made choice after choice, leading me to where I am now – much of the fundamental mindset that rules my belief system, is leftover from my past. I never considered reevaluating my options based on who I currently am, or the growth and changes of the past couple of decades. Through all of the inner work, reflection, and learning about myself – it didn’t occur to me to update my mental files.

I wasn’t able to notice the expansion of choice available to me, as I drifted from dependent to independent. There was no automatic update, to alert me in realtime, of the various options that my decisions had made available to me – mentally, I was simply following through on a decision, an extremely limited decision I made as a child. However, for a long time, I continued to walk the same path – oblivious to the new opportunity that my self-understanding had been creating for me. After working so hard to discover myself, I only now realize that I seemed to have missed an important step – reanalyzing available options.

It seems so simple, yet it was so deeply ingrained in me – that it went overlooked for decades. Although my current mindset changed as I matured, my new understanding never seemed to penetrate to the core foundation of my belief system. While I examined the cause of why I was this way or that, I never actually delved any deeper – never questioning, if the labels I had assigned to myself, were really even true. I was unable to distinguish it as a choice I decided to believe – an outdated choice…yes. A choice that may have represented extremely limited and disempowering options yet was the only ones available to me at the time…absolutely. However, a choice that is now within my power – to either continue or overwrite. Now that I am in full awareness, the choice is up to me.

I am in control…

Once I finally figured it out, it struck me as so glaringly obvious that I felt almost silly for not seeing it sooner – it was now impossible for me to ignore. Despite being in almost constant observation of myself and my life, in earnest attempts to solve the questions I had about myself – I was unable to notice the blatantly obvious, that I was still bound to same self-image and fears I carried over from my childhood. In fact, I’m pretty sure I examined everything else – yet, as fundamental as it was in explaining the depth of my character, it remained safely hidden from scrutiny.

In self-exploration, I realized that there was a very deep fear inside me that I was keeping alive. I continued, and still continue, to perpetuate my patterns, by choice – long after the circumstances that created them had subsided. Understandably, the choices I had available to me at the time of my childhood were limited, and dependant on my circumstances at the time – but making the same choice, despite the plethora of opportunity that is at my disposal, is just plain ludicrous.

Putting it in perspective…

So, as I often do in similar situations, I disconnected from my subconscious – and explained it to myself logically.

• In looking back, what was the initial choice that led me to my current beliefs?
• How am I different now, from who I was when I made the choice?
• What were the circumstances I had in my life at the time that caused me to make that choice?
• Are my current circumstances the same as they were when I made the choice?
• If so, is it currently within my control to change?
• If not, out of the choices available to me now, would I still choose the same?

Regardless of the reason that initially prompted the path where we now find ourselves, it is always in our power to reevaluate. It is our right to utilize all we have learned and where we currently are – to release us from our self imposed mental imprisonment.

Just because it always has, doesn’t mean it still needs to be…

I’m certain I am not alone in this. I truly believe that we are all still carrying some belief – simply because we weren’t aware, that it was a choice. Having been with us for so long, that we now misinterpret it as being part of who we are – rather than the reality of it being the natural course of development, from a decision we made. A choice we allowed to outlive the circumstances that prompted its creation, and enmesh deep within us – eventually even convincing ourselves, that it is an undeniable part of who we are.

Once a true understanding of this concept is reached, the choice that we made, a natural shift takes place – enabling us to effortlessly release the shackles of limitation, that we previously assumed, belonged to us. The paradigm we had constructed in our mind, the one that we thought proved our inadequacies – starts to crumble, as we discover it was built on a foundational misconception.

Try it yourself…

Write on a sheet of paper the things about yourself that are bothersome or disempowering to you.

• Behaviors
• Circumstances
• Life situations
• Inferiorities
• Limitations
• Habits
• Beliefs

Now, rewrite them in order of importance to you – with #1 being the most pressing. Next, sit with the topic at the top of the page. One at a time, investigate your memories back to the first incident in your past – the one that initially invoked the root belief in you. I believed this was true because ____________. It may take some steps to decode or come to you in a variety of ways. Our goal here is to uncover the seed that enabled this false perception to flourish into our current state of being. The following is an example of the questions you may ask yourself, to lead to self-discovery.

I can’t seem to keep a job.

There may be all kinds of evidence that supports this statement, but the only thing that is relevant is the root of it. While it may bring up all kinds of self-disparagement, the evidence is merely coincidental. And the reason is, that once the initial “root” belief is accepted – everything else is simply in support of the original acceptance. We build our reality around this supposed truth, even if it isn’t really true. But in tracing it back to its inception into our belief system, we are able to see an overall understanding that wasn’t available to us when we made the assessment. Consider using the following statements, or use your own to build a better understanding of the situation.

• Is there a consistent pattern that threads through these experiences, that may be an indication of common reasons? Characteristics or habits?
• Is the end consistent? Are you always quitting or being terminated?
• Does the feeling it causes remind you of a memory from childhood, or stand to prove something that you feel about yourself or something you have been told about yourself?
• Do you notice any familial patterns that stem from childhood environmental circumstances? Money problems? Parental unemployment?
• Do you recall any adopted perceptions that you may be acting out?

So now that we have backtracked and possibly discovered a more foundational cause, we can work to change our perspective. The vast majority of these perceptions about ourselves are rooted in childhood and were the result of our age-appropriate cognitive awareness and general dependency at the time. However, for the majority of us, over the course of our lives – these evaluations were never really revisited. Although we may now have a more comprehensive understanding of human behavior, many of us are stuck in the feelings of our past – from the perspective of the child we once were. The following are a few prompts that we are able to evaluate better with our current understanding – and may be helpful in uncovering incidents where childhood cognition may have contributed to current struggles.

• Did you believe something that someone said about you or someone else?
• At the time of inception, did you rely on someone else’s values to evaluate your worth?
• Was it enacted out of a certain set of circumstances? Are these circumstances still prevalent? Do they need to be?
• Was it devised out of a state of disempowerment or dependence?
• Did it begin as a decision, that may have formed into a pattern or condition?
• Did you adopt a fear or behavior from prior circumstances or environment?

If any of the previous statements resonate with you, your life can shift in a second. Because you now know that whoever you think you are, was formed from a faulty or incomplete system of reasoning. You are now empowered to rethink and rechoose your current belief system – one that serves you better.

Ask yourself…

Who were you when you made these choices? Are you the same person now? If you had to choose now, with all of the choices currently available to you – would you make the same choice? We have learned so much through the journey of life, yet many of us are stuck in old thought patterns. All because some of us, haven’t yet realized, that we are no longer obligated to remain attached to the decisions we made before we knew any better. We are empowered to become the person we choose to be.

Tell me about it…

I would love to hear about your stories of self-discovery. If you would like to share, comment or click on the button to join me in the journey of self-discovery.

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