Blame Game

Writing and sharing my personal journey has been both a powerful and inspiring conquest. I find that I am able to heal, through the unapologetic recall of events of my life. I have found through self-discovery that my personal perspective tends to focus on a singular reality – and have been known to ignore everything outside that sole perception.

That being said…

This is my own interpretation of my life experiences, along with my processing of it – and others, even if they were there for it, may have interpreted it entirely differently. The reason for my sharing such a deep and personal piece of myself is not to blame – but, rather grow. After a long period of observation and outlining my system for self-discovery, I am now putting it into action. This blog is me – putting it into action.

What resonates for me…

I strongly believe that the person I am today, would not have been possible without the decisions I have made to this point. I take full responsibility for every choice I have made until now – and the ones, I have yet to make. Despite the subject or details of any of my writing, it is my intention not to harbor judgment of any kind. That being said, in full and honest disclosure, I admit to some slip-ups and moments of weakness. But, all in all, I truly believe that all experiences are an opportunity to learn more about ourselves – and to grow from that knowledge. In my world, there is no blame – simply because, in my world, there is nothing inherently “bad”, it is all just experience. Obviously, there are some exemptions, because there are some situations that defy understanding. But, for the most part, people are people – we all have our own personal struggles and difficulties, and do the very best we can at the time. There is no advantage to dwelling in guilt and regret, or blaming ourselves or others – doing so, only strips us of our power. We fuck up – and hopefully, it helps us to grow.

If we knew better, we would have done better…

We are here to live and learn, to love and grow, to teach and care. Sure, there were challenges and difficulties in my life, but nobody is exempt from those – but it isn’t anyone else’s fault. It wouldn’t be fair to assign blame to someone else, for my unique perspective. Nobody else either knows what I require nor is responsible for constructing their life around my values. It is my duty to set my own boundaries and choose the focus of my life – a responsibility that I vow to honor. It is solely my job to ensure that I receive what I need to thrive – a power that I refuse to relinquish. Besides, I am proud of myself, and how far I have come. Who knows where I would be if anything had happened differently or if I had actually been granted, situations I was convinced I wanted. I have worked really hard at discovering myself, and it has paid off – because finally, thorns and all, I’m at a point where I truly love my life. And, at the end of the day, I can honestly say – I wouldn’t trade in any of it.

My personal take on blame…

My life, at least recently, has revolved around my own healing and self-exploration. I realize that everyone is different, and may find comfort in an alternative viewpoint – and that is perfectly fine with me. I take no responsibility for the opinions of others, and staunchly encourage each person to live their best life – however they see fit. This is a judgment-free zone, and I urge each person to search themselves to discover the method that resonates with them.

That being said…

Through hours and hours of observation and reflection, I have learned a great deal about what empowers and disempowers me – even if it is only real, within the confines of my own mind. My intention is to regain control over my life, and for me to successfully accomplish this, it is mandatory for me to take full responsibility for everything that occurs in my life – even if my only choice is my response. In my opinion, “blaming” is nothing more than conceding defeat – throwing in the towel, and relinquishing our personal power to control our lives. At least in my personal experience – the decision to blame has never once solved a problem – it is a mere representation of our choice to transfer responsibility for it, to a position outside of ourselves. Absolving ourselves, not only of the “responsibility”- but also forfeiting control to someone or something else, over that area of our life. Becoming entangled in a co-dependent relationship with a decision – that we neither have authority over nor the ability to control.

Mind games…

Blaming forces us into a mentally derived state of powerlessness, as it enacts a command within ourselves, resulting in our withdraw of personal energy toward resolve – sealing our fate as a victim in our own life. Yes, it may alleviate our responsibility, at least temporarily, and initially can even feel kinda good – but, more often than not, eventually, it also leaves us with feelings of hopelessness. Because when we choose “blame” as an escape from personal accountability, it doesn’t absolve us from our situation – yet, we no longer have full control over it. This decision forces us from the driver’s seat – becoming a mere passenger in our own lives. We have made a choice to forever attach ourselves, to the decision of someone else – resigning ourselves to a co-dependent relationship with their behaviors and decisions. Blame is a choice, one that only accomplishes one thing – keeping us removed from the solutions we seek.

Taking back control…

However, when we make a commitment to taking full responsibility for everything that happens in our lives – we regain our personal power. Even in making a mistake, we know exactly where we stand and are able to proceed, by taking full ownership of it – creating a solid and stable foundation to build resolve. The safety net is taken away, and we are forced to trust solely in us – a somewhat scary proposition. However, when we accept responsibility, there become fewer variables that are unknown to us – we are no longer reliant on the actions of another to dictate our state of being. We create a new relationship and respect for ourselves – perhaps for the first time in our lives. It may not always feel wonderful, but when we set an intention toward full accountability – it will almost always result in a more solid sense of peace.

So, allow me to explain how we accomplish this…

We begin by honoring ourselves with a personal promise, an unbreakable commitment to take full responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Setting a decision to separate ourselves and our choices – from the behavior and actions of others. No longer permitting excuses to account for anything that occurs in our life – that point outside of us. Guarding our perimeter, by controlling what we allow into our attention – taking accountability for ourselves and releasing the need to control anything, or anybody else. Choosing responsibility for our response – even in instances that appear to offer no viable options. Despite our determination of a choice – good, bad, or otherwise – in taking responsibility, we can learn about ourselves, without outside interference. Garnering a more complete understanding of the variables, that resulted in the outcome – enables us to retain a semblance of control.

Don’t get me wrong…

I am not at all saying that we all become hermits, and spend the remainder of our days in solitude – I have been there, and don’t necessarily recommend it. I only mean to suggest, that we avoid relinquishing our power – by any means necessary. Carefully choose every decision you encounter with full acceptability for any ensuing ramifications. And for situations where you have no viable options – carefully choose your response. Because despite any choice you may or may not have – the decision you make in choosing your ensuing attitude, with regard to it, will undeniably affect the quality of your overall life experiences. I am offering the potential for a more empowering option – a mental shift that could possibly change your life.

Covering the bases…

Aside from the few instances in life where we are completely reliant on the decisions of others – for the most part, we have far more choices, than many of us care to utilize. And I know from experience – being the first to admit to an occasional, or not so occasional, shirking of responsibility. I can recall many times when I have taken the easy way out – expending a half-assed attempt, before constructing an excuse to exonerate me from my obligation. It’s more convenient to focus on the one thing that is outside of our control, rather than the myriad of options we ignored – that may have improved the chances of a successful outcome. My tendency is to wait until the very last second, relying on a single plan to work out perfectly – an ace in the hole. You would be surprised at how often these plans don’t work out as anticipated! I admit, followthrough is not my strong suit – but it’s also important to note, that I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself.

Could I have done more to ensure success? Absolutely!

But is it easier to blame? Yes, again! If you are intent on disillusioning yourself with a cause outside of you, for the problems of your life – you will. In fact, there are potential scapegoats all around us – all it takes is a little imagination, and we can almost always find a way to spin our story to be someone else’s fault. And, best of all – it is perfectly within your right to do so. So, if this is the coping mechanism that resonates with you – have at it. Who knows, you may even get some sympathy out of it…bonus!

Seriously, though…

Despite any excuses, we may or may not convince ourselves into believing – our free will of choice does not alleviate us from the repercussions of our choices. However, it is important to note – you are not exempt from the consequences. I repeat – you are not exempt from consequences! As I see it, coming to a viable understanding of anything, requires a certain degree of predictability – which is impossible to ascertain, when it comes to other people.

Pay attention to how it feels…

Our gift of free-will is choice, and what we learn through making them is what builds internal trust within us. Yet, when we allow ourselves to subcontract various aspects of our life, especially the ones where we are still obligated to endure the consequences – it is improbable for us to build a stable foundation in our lives. Hidden within blame of any kind is an automatic contract allowing someone else’s actions or behavior, a vote, in our life satisfaction – forcing us to abide by the repercussions of their choices. Take back your power…take it back!

My advice is…

Avoid blame, as it is completely unnecessary. Instead, I would suggest taking inventory of your life by setting appropriate boundaries. Start by deciding what is actually within your control, and releasing what doesn’t belong to you – merely a mental shift. Because who are we fooling…it’s not like you could change it anyway. But in doing so, you rein in the scope of your responsibility – a redistribution that causes both peace-of-mind, and a refund of energy. Enabling us a stronger focus toward controlling the things that affect us most in our lives, creating the opportunity to begin building a foundation of predictability and trust in ourselves.

How about you…

I would love to hear about your experiences. Comment below or join me on a journey of transformation.

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